


Text Me Maybe

by vintagelilacs



Series: Textual Chemistry [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Drunk Texting, Humor, Jazz Brunch, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Miscommunication, Modern Era, Selfies, Social Media, Texting, dating apps, texting fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-10-26 12:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17745707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vintagelilacs/pseuds/vintagelilacs
Summary: Merlin gets a text from an unknown number, but he can't justnotreply, especially since the guy is a total prat.





	1. Chapter 1

  
Gwen  
  
Merlin  
please don’t be mad  
why do your texts always start like that?  
  


Unknown Number  
  
hey cutie  
who is this?  
guess ;)  
well you're definitely not the pizza delivery guy since I have his # saved in my contacts  
cute *and* funny. just my type  
oh no. please tell me Will didn't write my number on one of the toilet stalls again  
sorry to break it to you but i am not 'looking for a good time' right now  
Erm no  
This is Arthur. From the coffeeshop  
Oh. Sorry mate, you've definitely got the wrong number. I never drink coffee. Makes me all jittery. Well, more so than usual  
You mean this isn't Guinevere?  
Wait, Guinevere? As in Gwen Smith? She gave you this number???  
**Read** 9:31 PM  


Gwen  
  
  
I hope there's an apology somewhere in that long paragraph you're typing  
Oh no  
Did he message you?  
Merlin I am soo sorry  
I don't know what I was thinking. I completely panicked!  
There was mention of a coffeeshop?  
Arthur and I met at the cafe by the university. There was a coffee stain on the floor and I slipped and he caught me   
Sounds like quite the prince charming  
After that we got talking and he insisted on buying me a coffee and we ended up having lunch together too and then one thing led to another and he was asking for my number  
Was he harassing you?  
nono nothing like that.   
He was really rather sweet. It's just, you know I'm already totally gone on Lance. Even talking to Arthur made me feel guilty, but I couldn't just say no! He bought me coffee and he was so sweet. But if I gave him my actual number that would be leading him on, right?   
so I figured I'd make up a fake one, but then I thought, what if the fake number I give him happens to belong to some creep or serial killer and they end up luring him somewhere private and murdering him? I can't have that on my conscience!   
I had to give him a trustworthy person's number, you know?   
and mine was your go-to?  
Well, I couldn't exactly give him Lance's!  
Good point. You're definitely sending mixed signals if you give your almost-maybe-boyfriend another bloke's number.   
It was so stupid of me, I'm sorry.   
What am I supposed to say to him, exactly?   
I'm not sure.   
but you'll let him down gently, won't you?  
he really is very sweet   
I'll try my best  
  


Unknown Number  
  
Wait, Guinevere? As in Gwen Smith? She gave you this number???  
**Today** 9:35 PM  
Isn't this Gwen Smith?  
Hello?  
Alright. So. Here's the thing  
I'm not Gwen and this isn't her number  
then who are you?  
My name's Merlin, if you must know  
seriously?  
What?  
what kind of name is 'Merlin?'  
It's the English cognate of the Welsh name Myrrdin  
That's the most ridiculous name I've ever heard  
well, in future incarnations, I'll make sure my parents consult you before choosing my name  
what on earth are you talking about?  
nevermind. i don't care  
how do I know you haven't just stolen Guinevere's phone?  
excuse me? Why would I do that?  
maybe you're trying to sabotage us  
....  
I honestly have no idea why Gwen said you were sweet. you're a total prat  
She said I'm sweet? What else did she say about me?  
dude. learn to take a hint. she's already called for  
Oh, by you? Because I don't recall her mentioning a Merdin  
It's Merlin  
and no, not by me. She's currently seeing someone named Lance  
If that's true then why didn't she tell me that herself?  
Because Gwen is too kind for her own good and can't stand hurting people  
I can tell you're lying  
At the very least admit you want her  
I don't ? Gwen's my best friend. And for the record, she's not my type. well, women in general aren't  
I thought Merlin's was a guy's name?  
It is  
Oh. Don't tell me.   
You think two blokes being together is wrong  
Well listen up clotpole, this isn't the dark ages! People have the right to love whoever they want! And bigots like you should keep their intolerance to themselves  
I never said any of that!  
I read between the lines  
Well then you suck at reading!  
And what is a 'clotpole' ?  
Don't try to change the subject!  
I'm not a bigot! Or a clotpole, for that matter  
uh huh  
Actually, I um, I'm also like that.   
Like what?  
Into blokes  
um  
you realize Gwen's not a bloke, right?  
I'm bisexual, you idiot  
Ohhh  
Well, in that case, good for you  
Huh.   
What?  
You know, you're the first person I've told  
I am? How come?  
I guess... it helps that I don't actually know you. And you're such an idiot even if you were judgmental about it I wouldn't care.   
I'm going to let that insult slide for now.   
why haven't you told anyone else?  
Growing up, my friends weren't really the type that would understand. And my father's very conservative  
I see. How long have you known? That you were bi?  
I guess a part of me always knew, but it took a while to admit it to myself. I've always had a lot of expectations on me to be perfect... or at least, my father's idea of perfect.   
That makes sense. It took me a while too. Not so much about the accepting part--I just genuinely didn't realize for the longest time   
Oddly enough my girlfriend Freya was the one to point it out to me   
I doubt that could've gone well  
It was surprisingly fine, actually. Freya and I were never serious  
though that was partly because we were only fourteen or so at the time. She thought it was cute how clueless I was.  
In hindsight I did spend a lot of time checking out the footie captain  
Well, I'm glad you had someone to support you through it  
Thanks. And for what it's worth, I hope you find someone to support you too   
maybe someday  
why not now?   
The topic's never exactly come up in my current friend group. I mean, Leon and Percival are great, but I'm not sure how they'd take it. It doesn't seem worth the risk.  
If they're really your friends they'll support you no matter what   
but listen um   
if you ever need someone to talk to about it, I'm here, yeah? I mean, I get I'm pretty much a total stranger and you don't really know me, but I've been through some of what you're going through and I'm ready to listen if you ever want   
Thanks Merdin. that's very kind of you  
oops I meant **Merlin  
Nice save. I was about to take back my offer   
Hey it was autocorrect, not me  
That's what they all say   
Right   
well I'd better tuck in. I have an early start tomorrow.  
Same here. Have a goodnight Arthur!   
**Read** 11:17 PM you know it's common courtesy to wish me a goodnight back  
Arthur. I know you saw my message.   
Your read receipts are on   
You're such a girl  
GOOD NIGHT MERLIN   
:)   


Gwen  
  
How did it go? Well, I may have called him a prat  
and a clotpole  
Merlin  
and falsely accused him of being homophobic  
Merlin!  
but all things considered, I think it went quite well  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter should be up very soon!
> 
> also a link to this fic can be reblogged on tumblr: [here](https://vintage--lilacs.tumblr.com/post/182909599403/text-me-maybe-chapter-1-merlin-tv-archive)


	2. Chapter 2

Clotpole  
  
[](https://66.media.tumblr.com/875533f9212a7825fa5b4ecd50b117db/tumblr_inline_pn0e5vt7pS1v66okh_500.png) A little preview for later   
wow  
that's a little presumptuous, don't you think?  
though I have always wondered what baseless confidence looked like  
Merlin???  
last time i checked, yea  
what the hell  
you werent supposed to see that!!!!  
my bad...?  
from now on when i open your texts i'll be sure to close my eyes  
fuck  
i meant to send that to mithian  
i clicked on your name by accident  
because they both start with 'm'  
pretty inconsiderate of me to share the same first initial as your girlfriend. Want me to change my name?  
just be glad it wasn't a dick pic  
and she's not my girlfriend  
wait, you actually send dick pics??  
Yeah. Sometimes anyway  
Girls don’t actually care for that, you know. Unless they outright ask for it  
And you’re the expert?   
Compared to you  
Look. I’m sorry to have bothered you. Have a good day  
Wait!  
Can I just ask one thing  
What?  
How did you take that selfie? Both your hands are clearly holding the pillow.   
You didn't get someone else to take that for you, did you?   
because how lame is that  
No! I propped my phone up on my dresser and set a timer  
For real?  
Yeah why?   
Sounds like a lot of effort just for a picture  
Well I wanted it to look good, didn’t I?  
I dunno. Did you?  
Obviously!  
Ok  
What  
What do you mean ‘what’?  
You clearly have something you want to say, so let’s hear it  
It’s just, if you wanted a good photo, why did you make that face?   
What face???  
You look all serious and grumpy. Shouldn’t you have aimed for something a bit more flirtatious?   
Or even coy?  
Girls like the stoic act!  
Is that what you were doing?   
Forget it. I don’t expect you to know anything about good photography and camera angles  
I’ll have you know I’m an excellent photographer!  
Sure you are  
I'll prove it  
[](https://66.media.tumblr.com/dc32fc128d4a2fc174a5f1b035319258/tumblr_inline_pn1c91EVfs1v66okh_500.png)  
See? Excellent lighting and excellent quality  
You could have gotten that image anywhere  
Excuse me??   
I took that myself while touring a world heritage site!  
And I'm supposed to take your word for it, am I? That looks like it was from google images  
Fine! Here’s a selfie I took.   
[ ](https://66.media.tumblr.com/f39a1a3c4c20268bf0f8f2e753590d47/tumblr_inline_pn19nvT9ky1v66okh_500.png)  
How's that for camera angles  
I'm assuming your silence is due to wonder and awe at my impressive selfie game  
hello?  
I didn't expect you to look like that  
like what?  
You  
have big ears  
great observation  
And wait just a minute. You’re not smiling in that either! And you accused me of looking serious and grumpy  
Alright, fine. Here's one of me smiling  
[ ](https://66.media.tumblr.com/2eb028765f6ac15ec25700e5cfbf9a3d/tumblr_inline_pn19qpqBh71v66okh_500.png)  
Is that better?  
Arthur?  
Are you still there?  
Hello  
**Read** 1:33 PM are you forgetting your read receipts are still on  
Hey   
Where’d you go?   
uh I was making a sandwich.   
What kind?  
Tuna   
Ooh, bad idea.   
What? How?   
You don’t want tuna-breath if you’re meeting up with that girl you're seeing. Mithian, or whatever. Don’t expect you’ll leave a very good impression that way.  
Maybe that’s for the best.   
Why do you say that?   
My friends set us up. We've been on a few dates but I don’t know if I’m really all that into her.   
Then why are you sending her risque photos?   
Geez Merlin, just because I’m not asking her to marry me doesn’t mean we can’t fool around  
Oh so your relationship is casual?   
I guess?   
What do you mean you guess? You don’t know?   
Well it's not like we've sat down and made a list of everything we want in a relationship. I'm fine keeping it casual for now   
But is Mithian fine with that?   
I don’t know. I’m not a mind-reader   
Clearly. I just think you two should make sure you’re on the same page, and that you want the same things.   
Whatever would I do without your wise counsel   
How you’ve managed this long without me I really don’t know. Though your selfie game has clearly been suffering.   
Excuse me. Yours was no better  
Please. The shadows and lighting and the angle? All marks of a professional.   
Your ears looked even bigger in the second one.   
Only one of my ears was even showing in that!  
And at least I don’t look like a bone-idle toad  
A what?   
You heard me  
yeah well it's not like you really know what I look like. That was just one photo. The ones I have on facebook are much better  
You still use fb?  
Yeah? Who doesn’t?  
For starters, people from this generation.  
What about instagram? Do you at least have that  
I do…  
Then why the ellipses?   
I haven’t exactly figured out how to use it  
What do you mean you havent figured out how to use it? It’s easy!   
Not all of us are tech-savvy wizards  
Arthur. Children can use it. Children do, in fact.   
You’re like an old man. An old man trapped in a young, muscular body  
You think I’m muscular?   
No   
Then why did you say that   
It was a figure of speech. And I was trying to be polite   
So you're saying I'm not muscular?  
Yes. Exactly.   
Excuse you! I'm fighting fit!   
Sure, sure. But the point is you’re secretly old and don’t know how to post on instagram   
I didnt say that! I posted one photo   
Really? Of what?   
It was of me. But it was by accident, so not the most flattering angle. And I havent figured out how to delete it   
Oh this I have to see. What’s your username  
I’m not telling you  
Pleeeaase  
No  
I promise I’ll teach you how to take good selfies if you let me see   
I already take good selfies!  
but fine, if you’re going to be that insistent about it. It’s @arthur.pendragon   
I think you should rename it to Arthur Pratdragon   
Excuse me?!!   
I’m saying that name suits you more. It was a compliment.   
Sure it was.   
Oh. You actually requested to follow me   
You’re on private. How else would I see your photo?   
You are going to accept my follow request right?   
I suppose.   
Hey! Don’t just accept it! Follow back.   
Fine @Merlin_Emrys  
OMG   
what?   
Your photo  
this is hilarious  
you have like   
six chins?   
wait no   
seven!   
you have seven chins   
Shut up! I said it was a bad angle.   
How is that even anatomically possible?  
Also, you can see up your nostrils.   
i'm going to unfollow you   
But if you unfollow me, how are you going to know what good selfies look like?   
You sure know how to convince a man.   
Aw you liked my photo. thanks!   
I double-tapped it by accident. How do i unlike it?  
you'll have to figure that out for yourself, old man  
Oh.  
You weren't lying  
?  
About Gwen and Lance. There's a photo of the three of you  
Yeah. We're pretty good friends  
He’s not even that handsome.   
Handsomer than you  
Do you really think so? Is that your type, then?   
Er no, not really. It’s weird thinking of Lance like that when I know he and Gwen are sort of together.   
Plus he’s a little too soft-spoken for my tastes. I’d prefer someone passionate. Someone I could debate with and tease and laugh with. If that makes sense.   
Yeah. Yeah, that does sound nice.   
Well I should go get ready. I’m supposed to meet Mithian soon   
Oh. Right. Have fun   
**Delivered**

  
Gwen  
  
**Today** 6:28 PM  
the most interesting thing happened to me today  
I got an Instagram notification suggesting I follow a certain @arthur.pendragon  
that is interesting  
Yeah. and I happened to notice we have a mutual friend by the name of Merlin_Emrys  
Merlin Emrys? Sounds like a total wanker  
I didn't know the two of you were still talking  
We're not  
Really? You just happened to already be following each other on social media?  
Alright we texted a bit  
but only because he accidentally sent me a shirtless pic  
HE WHAT  
OMG  
Is that why you were all weird about Arthur earlier today when I mentioned him to Lance?  
I wasn't weird!  
I can't believe he sent you a shirtless pic  
did you send one back?  
Of course not!!!!  
Poor Arthur. He must be so disappointed  
He's currently on a date with some girl so I very much doubt that  
Oh. Merlin I'm sorry  
But do you think it's possible he only said he had a date to make you jealous?  
Why on earth would he do that  
I don't know Merlin  
From what you told me it seems like the two of you hit it off  
After calling him a prat and a clotpole that is  
And he did send you a shirtless pic  
by accident!  
We can't know for sure though, can we?  


  
Lancelot  
  
Lance can you please confiscate your girlfriend's phone  
She's meddling again  
**Delivered**


	3. Chapter 3

Clotpole  
  
**Yesterday** 11:42 PM  
Hey, how did it go with Mithian?  
**Read** 12:03 AM You were, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, right.   
I usually am. But about what?   
We talked. About what we wanted. Turns out she was hoping to eventually have a more serious relationship  
And how do you feel about that?   
I’m definitely not ready for that kind of commitment. At least, not with her.   
Well, it’s good you communicated. Better now than later, right?   
Yeah. I feel like kind of an arse though   
How come?  
For getting her hopes up? And for not wanting the same things  
It seems like everyone I know is already in a stable relationship   
I’m not  
Alright, besides you then.   
Thanks   
What?   
I could get a boyfriend if I wanted to   
I never said you couldn’t   
Right. Sorry. Didn’t mean to get defensive   
If you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you?  
Have a bf?   
Yea   
I mean, you’re not ugly   
Cheers   
Didnt mean it like that   
Sure you didn’t   
and I’m not sure really. I guess I’m not big on casual flings and if I’m gonna date someone, I want it to be with someone who really means something to me. Is that lame?  
No. I think it’s sweet. Maybe a little girly, but sweet   
You mentioned having a gf at one point..  
Freya   
Right. Have you ever had a boyfriend in the past?   
Not officially. I’ve experimented with a few blokes, tho. used to hit up gay clubs/pubs with my mate Will as my wingman. It was fun, but the excitement kind of wore off. I think that’s why I’m more interested in the idea of a serious relationship now. Not that I’m actively looking. Way too busy with school.   
What are you studying?   
Linguistics. And I’m minoring in Middle English Literature.   
Oh. That’s neat.   
My mum wanted me to go into healthcare like my uncle Gaius but it wasn’t for me. Language on the other hand, how it evolves and how different cultures use it to communicate, has always fascinated me.   
I think that’s great  
That you’re doing something you love   
Hbu? Gwen said she met you by the university. Are you in school?   
Yeah. Studying finance right now. My father's idea   
What about what you want to do?  
It’s stupid.   
What?   
Well, for a while I wanted to be a poverty lawyer and do pro bono work  
I liked the idea of helping people who really needed it  
What changed your mind?   
My father talked me out of it. Said it was naive and I'd be wasting my potential  
and he threatened to cut me off   
Oh so you're a trust fund brat   
It wasn't just that!  
All I’ve ever wanted is for my father to respect me, but nothing I ever do is good enough for him. And he's right. It was a stupid idea  
I think you'd make a great lawyer  
Really?  
Yeah. It's clear just from texting that you have a lot of practice at arguing  
There's more to being a lawyer than arguing  
are you sure about that   
you're infuriating  
just taking the piss mate ;)   
For real though, I think it’s great you want to help people. Like a knight-in-shining armor. Or a prince charming   
I have been told I look quite princely.   
Who told you that?   
Oh, many fair maidens   
Can you imagine you as an actual prince? You'd probably be super hard on all your servants. And ungrateful to boot  
I'll have you know I'd make a terrific prince!   
How do you figure that?   
For starters, I totally have the looks for it.  
  
And that’s clearly the most important part.   
Of course   
All the fair men and maidens of the land would agree with me, I'm sure  
well maybe except Mithian   
She upset with you?   
Nah. She took it ok I think   
better than my last breakup in either case   
What was so bad about your last breakup?  
For starters, after I ended it Sophia tried to curse me   
I'm guessing you don't mean curse as in swear-words  
No. I mean she had an actual wooden staff she claimed was magic and she literally tried to curse me with it  
I'm sorry that's  
kind of hilarious  
I probably would've thought so too if I hadn't been terrified out of my mind. She's a seriously scary woman  
I'll take extra precautions against any Sophias I meet from now on  
Probably a safe move.  
Sorry, I feel like all we've done is talk about me  
what have you been up to today  
Nothing special. Hung out with Gwen and Lance for a bit and then watched some telly. There was a really interesting historical fantasy show on the BBC  
Sounds dull  
The fantasy or the historic part?  
Both  
What?!!!  
how can you not like fantasy? It's the best genre there is   
but magic is so unrealistic  
You have no imagination  
I'll have you know I've an excellent imagination  
Oh really  
One of my best qualities in fact  
More like your only quality  
So you do concede I have a great imagination  
Fine. I guess you got me there  
That's what I thought  
Oh shit  
what is it?  
I didn't realize how late it was  
Past your bedtime?  
I have breakfast plans in the morning  
Really? Who with?  
My mate Gwaine  
Don't think you've mentioned him before  
he as handsome as Lance?  
You agree Lance is handsome???  
No  
Of course not  
but you and Gwen seem to think so for some reason  
Hah. Right  
And I guess? Gwaine does have very nice hair   
the straight out of a L'Oreal commercial kind   
Nice smile too  
but he's a total flirt. definitely not the settling down type  
Oh  
well I won't keep you up any longer  
have fun on your breakfast date  
it's definitely not a date   
and I suppose technically it's brunch, not breakfast. Jazz brunch, in fact  
What the hell is jazz brunch?  
it's... you know. brunch. and jazz. together  
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard  
And why jazz?  
Why not... I dunno, rock and roll brunch  
Not as catchy of a title  
Do people actually listen to jazz?  
Gwaine, apparently  
You have odd friends  
hey!  
but you're pretty odd too, so I suppose it's fitting  
It's not my fault you don't have good taste in brunches  
Why does brunch have to have any music playing, anyway?  
Why not just 'sit in peaceful silence brunch' or 'make small-talk brunch'  
Once again, it doesn't sound as catchy  
Right. Well enjoy your jazz I guess  
thanks. I will  
Night Merlin  
Good night :)   


Gwaine  
  
**Today** 9:53 AM  
Meeeeeerlin   
Answer your phone  
I’ve called you a million times already  
Are you there?   
Wake up you lazy lump or you’re going to miss jazz brunch.   
For real, it’s jazz and brunch combined. What more could a lad want?   
I’m pretty sure they don’t refund our tickets if we miss it   
SHIT  
Gwaine I’m so sorry! I slept through my alarm.  
That’s gotta be a first. Aren’t you usually an early to bed, early to rise kinda bloke  
Yeah, but I stayed up late talking to Arthur  
I see   
What?  
You were “talking” to Arthur   
Well, texting, technically  
Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays   
It’s not like that at all. I mean, he did send me one partially nude selfie, but it was an accident  
Was it tho?   
Yeah…?   
Hmm   
He meant to send it to someone else and clicked on my name by accident.   
Sure he did.   
You’re as bad as Gwen!  
Gwen knows? and she didn’t tell me?  
I’m so disappointed in her   
But hey, if this Arthur is worth missing jazz brunch for, the two of you must have something real special going on   
You’re never going to let this go, are you?   
Nope ;)  
Ugh. Fine, but I really am sorry for missing jazz brunch. Did you wanna meet up tonight and do something to make up for it?  
Let me check my social calendar  
I’m an extremely busy man, Merlin. Don’t think you can cancel on me anytime and expect me to be free when it suits you   
Oh what do you know. Turns out I am free tonight  
Wanna hit up the Rising Sun?  
Sure  
You can be my wingman  
S’pose it’s the least I can do   
And first round's on you?  
I guess   
Don't sound too enthusiastic there mate  
Meet there at 9:00?   
Sounds good!   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter summary: drunk merlin


	4. Chapter 4

Gwen  
  
Gwen this is all yuor fault  
Oh dear. Is this about Arthur?   
yes  
What happened?  
He finally posted a selfie on insytagtfm   
Istagarm   
instagram   
hows it possible for someone to be that cute????  
Er, I wouldn’t know. Seeing as I haven’t actually followed him yet. And you haven’t shown me the photo.   
Look how soft his lips look   
Merlin, you still haven’t shown me the photo   
I bet theyre soft  
dont they look soft  
Merlin, are you drunk?   
im not drubk  
You’re at the pub with Gwaine, aren’t you?   


Clotpole  
  
**Today** 11:23 PM  
you soft lips  
Is that supposed to be an insult?   
If so it needs some work  


Gwen  
  
You’re at the pub with Gwaine, aren’t you?   
Merlin? Are you still there?   
Hey Gwen, it’s Gwaine. Our Merlin’s a little sloshed. Still can’t handle his liquor  
He’s not wrong tho. This Arthur fellow is quite the looker  
Ah, so he showed you Arthur’s instagram selfie.   
Oh yeah. He showed me, the bartender, and everyone within thirty feet of us  
I suspect he’s going to have some regrets come morning   
Hey, I always say if you don’t have regrets you’re doing something wrong  
Right  
Get him home safe, ok?  
You can count on me ;)   


Gwaine  
  
**Today** 12:03 PM  
AAHHHH  
WHY DID YOU LET ME TEXT ARTHUR  
you’re supposed to confiscate my phone when I’m drunk  
If you’ll remember I did confiscate your phone  
yeah AFTER I’d already texted him  
In my defence you’re surprisingly slippery. Kind of like an eel  
and you only sent him the one text  
it wasn’t that bad  
I told him his lips were soft!!!!  
See?  
That’s nothing  
that’s not nothing!!! Now he knows I think about his lips   
Hardly a confession of your undying love   
And it's not like you waxed poetic about his arse   
Of course not! I haven't even seen his arse  
Now that is tragic   
Why aren’t you taking this seriously?!!  
I apologize. If he asks, tell him you sent it to the wrong person  
but then he’ll ask who I meant to send it to  
Ok then why don’t you just play it off  
How?  
I dunno Merlin  
Ask about his lip routine or something  
his what?  
Lip routine. Look it up. It’s a thing  
Some people use lip scrubs or special lip moisturizers or whatever  
Oh great  
If he didn’t think I was weird before he certainly will now  
why would he think you’re weird?  
For starters, I told him about jazz brunch  
what’s weird about jazz brunch?  
It combines two of the best things the world has to offer  
Jazz and brunch  
nevermind  


Clotpole  
  
you soft lips  
Is that supposed to be an insult?   
If so it needs some work  
**Today** 12:18 PM  
Please ignore that!  
I was drunk  
And had very chapped lips  
Misplaced my lip balm haha  
You use lip balm?  
What and you don’t?  
Unlike you I’m not a complete girl  
Oh so men can’t get chapped lips?  
also have you ever heard of the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’   
As a matter of fact real men don't get chapped lips. Why do you think mine are so soft   
You can’t use what I say when I’m drunk against me!  
Can’t I?   
No!  
Says who?  
Says everyone!  
Strange. I’ve never heard anyone say that   
Then you probably weren’t listening  
Sorry. Not all of us have giant ears   
Yeah, well at least I’m not a dollophead  
A what?   
Oh, are your eyes not working either  
Define ‘dollophead’  
In two words?  
Yea  
Arthur Pendragon  
I feel I should be offended but anything defined as ‘Arthur Pendragon’ is clearly positive   
If you say so, dollophead  
God, you’re not going to make that my contact name are you?   
Who says you’re even worthy of a contact name?   
Rude  
Joking. But I don’t think I’ll use dollophead   
I already have your contact as ‘Clotpole’ and I’m quite partial to it   
Oh great. That’s much better  
I think so too :)   
So why were you drunk last night? Jazz brunch must have been pretty wild  
Yeaa I actually slept through my alarm and missed jazz brunch   
How come?   
Used to going to bed earlier I guess. Really was past my bedtime   
Shit. Sorry if I kept you up late  
Not your fault!   
Gwaine wasn't too pleased tho   
He didn’t want to go alone and the tickets were almost fifty quid total  
Is that a lot?  
To us minimum wage workers, yeah   
I’m sorry to hear that then   
Eh I’d say I made up for it considering I emptied my wallet last night buying drinks for him   
And for yourself, from the sound of it   
Haha yeah. Went on a bit of a bender   
Was it a successful night at least?  
Depends how you define successful   
Well did you... you know   
what?   
did you pull last night?  
Arthur how crass   
And nope. Gwaine didn’t either, I don’t think. He practically had to carry me into a cab and I think he decided to call it a night after that.  
Oh. That's too bad. I remember you saying you didn’t go to gay pubs that often anymore   
Not often. But we went to a regular pub, actually   
The Rising Sun if you’ve heard of it  
‘Course I have   
My footie mates and I used to go all the time  
Of course you played football   
I should’ve known   
Hey I also played rugby  
Not helping your case  
And what exactly is my case?   
You’re clearly trying to convince me that you’re not a dumb jock  
Excuse you! I am no such thing!   
And there’s nothing ‘dumb’ about sports. It requires strategy and fast-thinking and good interpersonal skills with your teammates  
I’m sure it does   
Are you telling me you didn’t play any sports in secondary school?  
Nope. I was in the drama club though   
I seriously can’t believe I’ve managed to talk to you as long as I have  
If texting me is such a bother please don’t feel obligated to  
I was joking Merlin  
I actually like talking to you.   
Really?  
You’re easy to talk to   
That’s good to hear. I like talking to you too   
Well yeah. Who wouldn’t   
Good to know your prattish ways will never change   
It’s a key part of the Pendragon charm   
also um. I was wondering, did you really mean what you said that first night I texted you? About not minding if I came to you for advice on... you know  
My lifestyle choices  
Your what?   
Oh you mean your bisexuality?   
Yes. Not that I need advice right this second.   
I was just wondering if the offer still stands   
Wouldn’t really call it a lifestyle choice but yeah of course!   
Hey I can be your gay mentor  
Your gay Obi-wan  
Who?   
Oh god  
Tell me you’ve seen Star Wars  
That’s the one with cling ons right?   
There… are so many things wrong with that sentence I don't even know where to begin   
First it’s Klingon   
Second that’s Star Trek   
I thought you said it was Star Wars   
Obi-wan Kenobi is from Star Wars   
Klingons are from Star Trek   
Yeah but they’re set in the same universe aren’t they?  
No... they're really not  
That’s stupid. How many space shows are there  
I can’t believe we’re having this conversation  
You’re the one who brought it up   
A mistake I'll be sure not to make again  
Ok so you don't like fantasy and you clearly don't like sci-fi, so what do you watch?  
Action, thrillers etc   
I bet you watch chick flicks  
I do not!  
The only reason I’ve seen any is because Morgana likes them   
Who’s Morgana?  
Oh sorry. She’s my half-sister   
I didn’t know you had a half-sister  
We used to be pretty close until she had a falling out with my dad.  
Oh what happened?  
For the longest time my father let us believe she was adopted with no relation to us. There was this whole family scandal when the truth finally came out. Morgana’s still convinced I knew the whole time. I didn’t though.   
No offence to your dad but that’s kind of messed up   
Have you tried explaining the truth to Morgana?  
I've tried. She didn't want to hear anything I had to say   
I mean we're still on speaking terms, but it's not quite the same. She doesn't trust me the way she used to   
But I suppose every family has their issues  
In some ways I'm kind of glad my only family is my mum. We’ve never really fought   
What happened to your dad?   
It's... kind of a long story   
Sorry I didn’t mean to pry   
I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to answer  
It’s fine. Really, I’d rather talk about it than avoid it.   
My parents were together for a short time during college, but my dad never knew my mum was pregnant with me. He went overseas and she had no way to contact him for the longest time. He came to the UK a few years back. I tracked him down but it turned out the only reason he came back was to say goodbye to his family.   
He was diagnosed with stage 4 mesothelioma. I talked with him for a bit, but I never did tell him who I was.   
Shit Merlin   
That’s awful.   
Yeah.   
For what it’s worth I never knew my mother. She died giving birth to me  
Morgana always insists our father favours me, but I think he blames me for what happened to my mother.   
People are always saying how I have her smile. They must be right because sometimes it seems like the only time my father can bring himself to look at me is when we’re arguing  
That seriously sucks  
I guess we both have a tragic backstory   
Looks like it   
Sorry again for bringing all this up  
Didn’t mean to make the conversation all depressing and shit  
Stop apologizing. I said it’s fine  
And it really is. I don’t talk about my dad very often so it was… nice? bringing it up to someone else who get is, you know?   
Yeah. I do   
Well I’m gonna head over to Tesco’s and pick up more Tylenol   
This headache is not going away  
Ah still a bit hungover I take it?   
I'm *never* going drinking with Gwaine again  
Somehow I doubt that. I bet if you had the chance you'd spend all your free time in the local tavern   
However did you know   
Anyway ttyl!  
Hope you feel better   
Thanks :)  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again everyone who's commented <3

Clotpole  
  
Hey Merlin  
Since you are, as you put it, my gay Obi-wan  Could I ask you something?  Of course!   
How do you know if you’re attracted to someone A guy I mean  I assume it’s not all that different from being attracted to a woman   
except I guess you wouldn't focus on their chest as much  
Yeah but there’s a difference between finding a guy good-looking on an aesthetic level and being attracted to him Isn’t it the same way with women too?   
Maybe?  Hmm well how did you know if you were attracted to a woman? Like Gwen, for instance?  
Idk. Usually if I think a woman’s hot I ask her out   
Just like that?  
Yeah   
Okay, well why does it have to be different with men?  
It doesn’t I guess.   
I just mean there is a difference, and I’m not sure how to tell if I actually like him or if I just think he’s good-looking   
Do you have someone specific in mind?  
Kind of  
Yes  
Oh  
Sorry if this is weird  
It’s not weird  
Why would it be  
It just seems like you’re taking a long time to respond   
Well excuse me for trying to come up with a thoughtful reply  
I guess for starters, what do you think of this bloke?   
He’s nice  
That’s it?  
What do you want me to say?   
‘Nice’ is something you say about someone really dull with no other personality traits  
It is not!   
Is ‘nice’ the only word to describe this bloke?   
Do I have to describe him?  
I can’t really help if I don’t know what you think of him  
Fine   
He’s.. cute. Nice smile.   
You used 'nice' again  
Beautiful smile   
Now we’re getting somewhere  
What about his personality?   
I suppose he’s caring. He’s really easy to talk to and he makes you feel like he values what you have to say   
He can also be a bit of an idiot. But then out of nowhere he’ll say something surprisingly wise   
Alright, it sounds like you enjoy his company. And his appearance  
Could you picture yourself being with him? Like kissing him and stuff  
Stuff   
You know  
Not sure I do   
Like relationship stuff!  
What "relationship stuff"   
Holding hands. And maybe more physical stuff  
physical stuff?  
....  
you're taking the piss, aren't you?  
Glad you finally caught on   
Well I couldn't be sure you're not 100% clueless instead of just 99%  
Hey   
Back to the topic  
can you see yourself actually being with him?  
Not.. right away  
Eventually?  
Yeah… yeah I think so   
The only thing is, he’s more experienced than I am and I don’t really like that   
Why does it matter if you’re the inexperienced one?   
there’s bound to always be one partner in a relationship that’s had a little less action than the other right?   
I don't care about being inexperienced  
I just don't like feeling vulnerable. And not being in control of a situation   
Ah I see  
What?  
You’re a control freak.  
I’m not a control freak!   
I just like knowing what to expect.   
Then it’s a good thing you have your own personal gay obi-wan to teach you ;)  
But honestly Arthur, I doubt this mystery man of yours will have any problem with you being inexperienced  
and there’s nothing wrong with taking it slow and getting to know each other really well first  
You're probably right  
Usually am  
so how exactly do I go about... expressing... my feelings  
Maybe do a kind gesture?   
Such as....?  
Buy him a coffee? Or ask him to go for coffee with you  
I don’t think that will work   
Why not? Most people like coffee   
Didn’t you say you never drink it? Makes you jittery?  
I’m surprised you remembered that  
But I’m probably one of the exceptions   
I’m sure your guy isn’t as picky as me  
Assuming he is, what should I do?  
Maybe try and get him something you know he likes. Or is passionate about  
Alright. I can do that  
Thanks for your help Merlin  
Anytime!  


Gwaine  
  
How’s Arthur dong  
I sincerely hope that’s a typo  
**doing  
Fine I guess  
You guess? You aren’t texting anymore?  
No we are  
As a matter of fact he just finished telling me about the bloke he's interested in  
And before you ask, no it’s not me  
Aw I’m sorry Merlin  
For what?  
You aren’t upset? Or disappointed?  
why would I be  
:(  
It's not like I actually like Arthur that way  
I've never even met him   
Wanna go for a pint  
To ease your broken heart  
I don’t have a broken heart  
I couldn't care less who he's into  
Meet at the usual time?  
What?  
No!  
I’m never going drinking with you again  
You wound me, Merlin  


Clotpole  
  
Hey so I was thinking   
I feel kinda bad that you missed your jazz brunch   
Especially since you probably don’t have much excitement in your life  
Or a very active social life  
Excuse you!  
So I thought I’d make up for it  
[](https://66.media.tumblr.com/e19dff3c72ee99df8b682942bbca15c9/tumblr_inline_pnyqd99F6v1v66okh_500.png)  
It's also a thank you  
for being my gay Obi-wan  
Arthur what the hell!   
The ticket admits two btw   
It's for this Sunday if you and Gwaine want to go   
you did not seriously spend £50  
Hey trust fund brat, remember?  
It’s like the equivalent of spending a fiver for you   
How do you know I’m not secretly rich?   
Are you  
Maybe  
I doubt it   
You shouldn’t make assumptions  
You told me you were a minimum wage worker   
I could be a millionaire who just really enjoys working as a service specialist at the grocer's  
But seriously you shouldn’t have done this   
Hey I felt bad for keeping you up late   
And I didn’t want Gwaine to be too disappointed   
That’s thoughtful of you   
I’m a thoughtful guy  
Yeah. You are   
Glad you’ve finally noticed   
I don’t know if I can accept the tickets  
Let me at least pay you back  
If you pay me back that defeats the entire point of it being a gift  
I’ll pay for half then   
You don’t know my banking info  
I'll e-transfer it  
I won’t accept it   
Ok well  
Did you want to join us?   
I’ll pay for your ticket! And then you’ll at least get something out of it   
I wouldn't want to intrude  
You wouldn’t be! And I’m sure Gwaine would love to meet you  
Thanks for the offer  
but I'm busy that day anyway  
Oh. Well thank you again!!   
Merlin if you thank me one more time I swear  
You’ll what? Take the tickets back?  
No  
I’ll buy you even more tickets  
You wouldn't  
Don't tempt me  


Gwaine  
  
Gwaine you'll never guess what just happened  
Arthur asked you to take his virginity  
What? No   
but he did buy us jazz brunch tickets   
I'm glad to hear he finally stepped up and asked you out  
No the tickets are for you and me  
That’s... certainly generous of him  
Yeah. He said he felt bad for causing me to sleep in and miss it  
Hold up  
How exactly did Arthur cause you to sleep in?   
I told you we stayed up late texting  
Uh huh. You realize those tickets are 25 quid each  
Yeah but he’s rich  
Or his dad is, anyway   
He even said it’s like the equivalent of a fiver for the rest of us   
You do hear yourself yeah? He spent fifty quid on you  
Because you stayed up late texting each other   
And you didn’t set a loud enough alarm for yourself   
Er yes?   
When are the tickets for?  
This Sunday  
Shame. This Sunday doesn’t work for me  
Oh. Well I can see if they’ll let us exchange them for a different Sunday  
Sorry. Can’t. I’m busy on all Sundays indefinitely   
Then what am I gonna do with the other ticket?   
Gee I dunno Merls  
If only there was a handsome bloke who sends shirtless pics in your life to go with   
What you mean Arthur? Why would he want to go to jazz brunch?   
Maybe because he’d get some alone time with a certain dark-haired lad named Merlin  
I already invited him to come along and he said he’s busy  
And why would he want to spend time with me?   
I’ll say it once more. He spent fifty pounds on you  
To make up for keeping me up late! He was just being polite!  
You cannot be that dense  
I’m not!  
He’s into you Merlin  
But he just told me that he's interested in some other bloke!  
Did he happen to mention this bloke's name?  
Well... no...  
How do you know it's not you  
Why would it be me? We've never met in person  
and I call him a prat and a clotpole half the time  
Go ask him to jazz brunch  
I already did. He said he was busy  
I guarantee his answer will be different if you ask again   
That makes no sense  
He already has plans!  
Merlin if you don’t ask him I’m going to come over to your flat, steal your phone, and ask him for you   
Ok ok. I'll ask  
Even though I already know he's not going to say yes  


Clotpole  
  
So I texted Gwaine  
and he says thank you for the gesture but he's busy this Sunday. And all Sundays, apparently  
Oh. I'm sorry to hear that Is there someone else you could go with?  Er I was actually going to ask. I know you said you had plans   
but if there's any chance you'd be able to make it   
maybe we could go together?   
Well I did have a thing but I suppose I could move it to a different day  
Are you sure? I don't want to inconvenience you or anything   
It's no trouble  
And I must admit I am rather curious about this jazz brunch  
I hope it's worth the hype  
I'm sure you'll love it  
and if not I promise i'll make it up to you  
Just how are you going to do that?  
Not sure yet. But I'll think of something  
I look forward to seeing you try

Gwaine  
  
So? What's the verdict?  
He said yes  
HAH! I knew it  
Shut up  
There's no way you could have  
I’m such a good friend  
I’m like the opposite of a cock-blocker  
A cock-facilitator if you will   
You're never going to let this go, are you?  
Not a chance  
This is definitely going to be included in my best-man speech at your wedding   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent like a grand total of five mins on that jazz brunch ticket lmao  
> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again everyone who commented!

  
Gwen  
  
Are you excited for your date?  
It’s not a date Gwen  
But you do want it to be   
What makes you say that  
Gwaine and I both think you fancy him  
So does Lance  
I can’t believe Lance of all people would betray me  
And how can I fancy someone I’ve never actually met?   
For all I know Arthur could have a super squeaky/annoying voice  
He doesn't  
Or bad breath  
He was minty fresh when I caught a whiff  
Or gross fingernails  
Really Merlin   
I mean, ok, he is kind of sweet in a prattish sort of way  
When he’s not being a “clotpole” you mean   
Exactly  
And he’s really really hot   
Don't tell Lance I said so, but I agree completely  
But he could be totally different in person!   
You’re overthinking this  
Just see how it goes   
It might turn out great   
But what if it doesn’t?  
The good news is that you’re not obligated to marry him after one date  
Oh no  
What?  
I told him a while back I wasn’t looking for anything casual  
I’m going to scare him off  
How are you going to scare him off if he already knows that?   
Maybe he momentarily forgot   
Oh Merlin  
I’m serious! I’m coming off way too strong!   
He bought YOU the tickets, remember?   
Yeah but I asked him to go!   
He only did it as a kind gesture!   
I really don't mean to be rude, but I have to ask  
Are you always this dense when it comes to boys? Or is it only Arthur  
Now's not the time for jokes Gwen!   
Of course not  
but really Merlin, don't stress yourself over this  
It's a little late for that  
We haven't even texted since he agreed to go with me  
What if it's super awkward?  
Why don't you text him now?  
And say what?  
Ask him how his day went  
That sounds way too forced  
Alright, then why don't you ask if he wants to meet you at brunch, or meet beforehand?   
I'm sure the conversation will take off from there   
Ok. I guess I can do that  
Good luck   
And keep me posted!   
  


Clotpole  
  
Hey, I was wondering, for brunch on Sunday did you want to meet there? Or before?  
We could meet before. Carpool there maybe? oh I was actually planning on taking the tube. Since I don't drive   
Never got your license?   
I did! I just never got around to getting a car. Or saving up for one. It's bloody expensive, for one, and I live near the Uni anyway so it’s not like I need one   
Sounds like an excuse to me  
We could take the tube together if you'd like   
I'm afraid I'm never taking the tube again. I made a solemn vow  
Why is public transportation not good enough for you? Can't stand consorting with peasants?   
Hardly. I had a traumatic experience  
which Morgana took the liberty of filming   
What happened??  
Some old loon was convinced I was her husband  
Bit odd since she looked about ninety years old For real?  
Unfortunately yes Kept trying to snog me And even grabbed my arse at one point That's hilarious  
Traumatizing, actually Just out of curiosity, does Morgana still have this video?  
And if she does, could she send it my way? Strictly for research purposes  
Nice try She assured me she deleted it, but I have enough blackmail material of my own in case she didn't Even if you had her # I doubt she'd be foolish enough to risk it Worth a shot  
So I guess I'll meet you there, then?  
Don't be stupid. I'll drive us I really don't mind taking the tube!  
You say that now, but what happens when you get mugged? Or someone tries to take advantage of you?  Because the chances of that are so high  
If nothing else those giant ears of yours will make you a prime target Uh huh   
I'm dead serious. You're at great risk Right. Well as soon as I get any unwanted attention I'll simply fend them off   
And how exactly are you going to do that?  
With my quick reflexes and rippling muscles, obviously  
Now I'm definitely driving us.   
Fine  
But I'll pay for petrol!  
There's no need  
No I will! It’s the least I can do!   
I have a full tank   
I bet you’re just saying that  
Sadly you’ll never know  
Now I'm gonna owe you for the tickets *and* the ride there  
You don't owe me anything Merlin  
I'm only driving you there because it's convenient   
You don't even know my address yet!   
Maybe I'm completely out of the way   
You don't know my address either so you'll never know if it's convenient for me or not  
Never?   
Way to crush a man's dreams, Arthur   
Well. Maybe not never  
I suppose if you were on your death-bed and your dying wish was to know my address, I'd tell you  
Wow   
You're a total saint   
I've always thought so  
So what time should I pick you up?   
Hmm maybe nine am?   
In the morning?   
That is what a.m. means...   
well I guess technically it means 'ante meridiem'  
I can't remember the last time I was up that early   
What?! Nine am isn't even early. That constitutes as sleeping in for most people!   
And aren't you a university student?   
My earliest class isn't til noon  
Unbelievable   
What? I make my own schedule. Why would I deprive myself of sleep?   
Good point. You clearly need all the beauty sleep you can get  
Cheeky   
;)  
I honestly can't believe I'm waking up that early for you  
Your sacrifice is deeply appreciated   
I would hope so. I don't wake up that early for just anyone  
I'm flattered   
but if your sleep is that crucial to you, 9:30 is probably fine   
It's just that jazz brunch is a bit of a drive  
And I really don't want to risk missing it a second time   
I'll see what I can do  


  
Gwen  
  
So we worked it out, and Arthur's going to pick me up and drive us there  
He has his own car?   
Well yeah  
He is filthy rich, afterall   
I think I'd be more surprised if he didn't have a car   
Oh Merlin! That's so romantic  
Being driven somewhere is romantic?? If that's true I feel bad for not giving my cab-driver a proper thank you   
Arthur's going to pick you up   
And probably drive you back after  
And he'll walk you to your doorstep and thank you for a good time and then you'll smile shyly at each other and you'll make eye-contact and then he'll lean in and kiss you   
My friend, you have been reading way too many romance novels   
In my defence most of them are Lance's   
He does have quite the passion for them   
Him and Gwaine both  
Bunch of softies  
but you're definitely not a softie, is that right?  
Of course not. Total macho man here  
If you say so  
Oh hang on I'm getting a call from Gwaine  
Don't answer it, he'll talk your ear off for hours if you give him the chance  
Too late  
He says he wants to know why you didn't call him back  
He said he left you three voicemails  
Yeah, and he read safe-sex advice articles in all of them  
Oh, except for the one where he was kind enough to provide an in-depth guide on anal sex  
Which was extremely unnecessary, I should add  
I'm assuming this means I don't have to give you the talk about the birds and the bees?   
Or in your case, the bees and the bees  
You're secretly a very evil woman, Guinevere Smith  
Don't let Lance know  
If he hasn't figured that out for himself yet, he's beyond my help  
You should probably go to bed now Merlin  
Gee thanks mum  
I only meant, you don't want to sleep in and miss brunch again, do you?   
I hate it when you're right  
Have a good night Merlin   
Night!  
  


Clotpole  
  
**Today** 8:53 AM  
Up and at em!  
It’s time for brunch   
Let's have you lazy daisy  
Lazy daisy ? I was trying to be a bit more creative than the usual "rise and shine"   
Needs a little work  
And your wake-up call is unnecessary  
I'm outside your flat  
Oh already?   
I'm honoured you managed to wake up so early   
Yes. Assuming you gave me the right address  
Of course I did! Why wouldn’t I?   
you seem exactly the sort to forget where you live  
I’m not that dumb!  
Sure  
Hang on  
Is that a tesla  
Yeah  
YOU DRIVE A TESLA  
It was a birthday present  
You really are a prat  
Oi!  
It's not like it's brand-new  
It used to belong to my father  
I can't believe I'm about to ride in a tesla  
I'm thankful my flatmate's not here or I'd never live this down  
Are you going to keep staring at me through your window or are you going to come down?   
I’m on my way   
Really? Cause I can still see your face squished against the window  
Alright now I'm on my way down for real  
Well take your time   
Ok  
God are you being intentionally slow  
Sorry I just had a thought  
Hope your brain’s not too overwhelmed   
It’s so easy texting you  
But what if it’s awkward in person?  
Why would it be?   
I don’t know. It’s just  
I really like texting you   
So what if you decide after today that I’m annoying  
I already know you’re annoying   
Ta. but for real, what if you stop texting me? I really like having someone outside my friend group to talk to and you’re a good listener   
You can still text me  
I’m not going to stop answering  
Unless I find out you’re a complete weirdo or a vegan or something  
What’s wrong with being vegan?  
Oh no  
Kidding I do eat meat  
My mum's chicken casserole is too good to give up  
I'm guessing you're not planning on giving up sausages either  
Hah good one  
but the meat industry does cause a lot of pollution   
and I think it would be good to invest in more plant-based options.   
Your concern for veganism is touching, but if you wouldn’t mind hurrying a little?   
My metre is running you know  
Sorry. Just one more flight to go  
You took the stairs??  
Yeah  
I needed time to think   
Couldn’t you have done your thinking before I got here?  
It didn’t feel real until I saw your tesla  
Alright almost there  
I know. I can see you from here  
Also can I pick the music?  
Not on your life   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on posting a longer chapter but I decided to save the events of their date for the next chapter


	7. Chapter 7

4 People  
  
Gwaine  
I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re all dying to know how Jazz Brunch is going  
Gwen  
Yeah Merlin!  
Give us the details  
Lance  
I'm confused  
What's going on?  
Gwen  
Merlin's on a date  
Lance  
Oh  
With Arthur?  
Gwaine  
However did you guess?  
It’s not a date!   
And it’s going fine  
I was expecting it to be awkward but it turns out Arthur is as comfortable insulting me in person as he is over text  
Also he's even hotter in person  
Gwaine  
If it's going so well why are you on your phone? That's quite rude you know  
Arthur’s in the loo rn because he spilled hollandaise sauce down his shirt   
Gwen  
did you get a picture?  
No I was too busy laughing   
Karma got me tho   
I ended up snorting orange juice across the table   
Gwaine  
Who allowed the pair of you into a fine dining restaurant?   
Hey this was your idea!   
Gwaine  
I still can't believe I passed up brunch so Merlin could get shagged  
Gwen  
You're truly the best of us  
**Gwaine** named the conversation "Operation Get Merlin Shagged".   
Lance  
When did you and Arthur start dating, Merlin?  
We're not dating   
Gwaine  
Not yet, you mean  
but they say jazz brunch has a way of bringing people together  
...literally no one says that   
Gwaine  
You don't have the same level of worldly knowledge that I have, Merls   
if you say so   


Clotpole  
  
You have to check out the toilets here Arthur, how forward of you   
No I'm serious   
This is the fanciest loo I've ever been in   
the faucets are gold, the soap smells like roses, and there are paintings on the walls  
I'm glad you've finally found a toilet worthy of you and your royal behind   
I'm going to let that slide for now  
but what I was going to say was  
it's all fancy and shit right? but then when you actually go into the cubicle there's a full-length mirror on the door. What's up with that? you're basically forced to stare at yourself while you use the toilet  
Who thought that was a good idea?  
Er... maybe it's for people who want to take mirror selfies  
In a cubicle?  
Yeah why not  
You're a strange one Merlin  
Hey it wasn't my idea!  
If it bothers you that much why don't you close your eyes while you go  
I don't have to go  
Then why did you go into the cubicle in the first place?  
I was curious  
I wanted to know if the loo roll was printed on gold leaf paper or not  
And is it?  
Sadly no  
Shame. Also did you get the stain out?  
Not completely, but I reckon it'll have to do  
That's completely unacceptable. This is a fine-dining restaurant, Arthur. You can't be seen wearing a stained shirt  
What should I do then? Wear it inside-out?  
That'll look even more ridiculous  
You only have one option now  
Do tell  
I'm afraid you'll have to go shirtless for the rest of the brunch   
Haha. Nice try  
I'm serious  
There's just no other way  
Oh well in that case I suppose I'll make the sacrifice  
Good  
Now hurry up  
I look like a loner out here and you're missing all the good jazz songs  
Do good jazz songs even exist?  
For your personal safety I'll make sure not to repeat that to Gwaine  
I'm ever so grateful  


Operation Get Merlin Shagged  
  
Gwaine  
So what's the update? Is Arthur back from the loo?  
Has he declared his undying love for you?  
No to both  
Gwaine  
Really? He's sure taking his sweet time  
You're one to talk   
Gwaine  
???  
Gwen  
Come on Gwaine, we all know you spend longer in the loo than anyone   
Gwaine  
Hey, hair like this takes time to perfect  
What's Arthur's excuse? Didn't he go to clean up his shirt  
Yeah. Apparently the stain won't come out  
Lance  
I know some good home-made stain removers if that would help  
Nah don't worry about it  
I already told Arthur he has no choice but to go shirtless  
Gwaine  
I've never been more proud of you Merlin  
Make sure you send us pics  
Of course ;)  
Gwen  
It sounds like you're having a really good time   
I am  
Actually I don't think I can remember the last time I laughed so much on a not-a-date date  


Clotpole  
  
Alright I'm calling it quits. This stain is not coming out  Sorry I don't think I can be seen with you   
It would ruin my reputation  
And what reputation would that be?  My status as a member of high society  
The only status you have is being a girl's petticoat 'Girl's petticoat' ? You really need to improve on your insults  
Sorry. Not all of us are creative enough to come up with 'dollophead' and 'clotpole' more's the pity   
Look up from your phone. I'm back and still wearing a shirt  
Sorry to disappoint

Operation Get Merlin Shagged  
  
Gwen  
Aww Merlin  
that's so sweet!  
Gwaine  
They grow up so fast  
I take it back!!! Worst not-a-date date ever!!!!!   
Gwen  
Why?  
Gwaine  
What happened??   
There was one custard tart left and I was very clearly about to take it when Arthur swooped in and ate it in one bite   
Then the smug bastard had the nerve to ask if I’d wanted it   
Gwaine  
Ooh grave mistake  
Never come between a man and his custard tart  
bet you wanted to give him a kick in the arse for that  
Well... yeah   
But I also kind of wanted to kiss him   


Clotpole  
  
Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to be on your phone when you’re in a restaurant? And with company? Didn’t anyone ever tell YOU it’s rude to steal a custard tart from someone else  
I’m afraid not   
Then allow me to inform you. It’s a serious social taboo. Our friendship will never recover  
How can I make it up to you?   
Give me some of your sausage  
You want my sausage?   
That’s what you’ve been after this whole time, isn’t it?  
The sausages on your plate, you dollophead!  
Put your phone away and come and get it then  


Gwen  
  
**Today** at 3:07 pm   
So? Did your date end like I said it would? Well Arthur did drive me home   
and walk me to my doorstep  
and we did the shy smiling and the eye-contact   
but there was no kiss   
Why not??   
I don't know Gwen.  
Honestly I don't  
I thought for a moment there... but he didn't   
Maybe he was waiting for you to make a move  
I was going to  
I really was  
But then he stepped back and I didn’t want to force it or anything   
Aw :(  
I’m sure there will be more opportunities  
This was only your first not-a-date date after all  
I suppose   
...but what if I read this wrong? I mean he was definitely flirting at some points, but maybe it was the friendly joking kind   
Like Gwaine’s brand of let's give each other "brojobs" flirting   
Maybe Arthur just sees me as a friend   
You won’t know unless you ask  
And make everything awkward? I’d rather not  
I don’t know what to tell you  
But if you’re not going to be upfront about your feelings, how can you expect Arthur to be upfront with his?   
I hate it when you’re right   
Okay fine   
I’ll tell him as soon as I get a good opportunity  
What would you define as a “good opportunity”  
… him outright asking?   
The two of you I swear  


Clotpole  
  
Hey just wanted to say thanks again for today. I had a really good time.  
And I hope you did too  
The jazz was alright   
And I suppose the company wasn’t too bad either  
Thanks a lot   
What about the actual brunch part?  
Oh the food was excellent.  
Especially the custard tart ;)   
I should’ve poisoned your orange juice  
Sorry you missed your chance  
I also may have smuggled a few scones in my coat pocket when we were leaving  
What? How? I didn’t even see you take any  
I can be sneaky when I want to  
Clearly  
I can’t believe I’ve been consorting with a thief this entire time  
You’re not going to turn me in are you?   
I’m on the phone with Scotland Yard as we speak   
I’ve never felt so betrayed   
Hey, you brought this upon yourself  
Only the very lowest sort steals scones   
What if I share them with you?  
I suppose that would make up for it   
Damn. Too bad I already ate them all  
Bastard!  
It was an honest mistake   
First the custard tart and now the scones  
I'm despicable, I know   
If that isn't an understatement  
Hey! Don't think I didn't notice you'd nicked some food off my plate while I was in the loo  
I have no idea what you're talking about   
Don't play innocent, Merlin. It doesn't suit you  
Are you trying to say I'm naughty?  
I... wouldn't have used that exact word, but yes  
Oh, believe me Arthur, you have no idea   
I'm sure   
Well, I'd better go  
My harpy of a sister's coming over so I need to hide all our sharp objects   
Good luck with her   
Thanks, I'll need it.   
And thanks again for inviting me to brunch. I hope Gwaine wasn't too disappointed   
Something tells me he'll survive   



	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone interested, I've posted a companion piece titled [It's All in the Sub(text)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224981/chapters/43118048#workskin) from Arthur's perspective.

Clotpole  
  
Saw a bird today that reminded me of you  
Oh? Was it really beautiful by bird standards?   
No   
There was another bird about to eat a couple crisps left on the sidewalk when the Arthur-bird swooped in and stole them   
The “arthur-bird” ?   
Yes!   
It stole from that other poor innocent bird  
Just like how you stole the last dessert from me at jazz brunch  
I didn’t steal it from you because you didn’t have it yet Merlin   
I was in the process of putting it on my plate!  
And I taught you a valuable life lesson  
Which was…?   
Don’t take so long   
Survival of the quickest  
Quickest huh?  
I hope that motto doesn’t apply to the bedroom too   
I assure you it doesn’t   
Not in my case   
Oh that's  
Good to know   
If one of us is a bird, wouldn’t it make more sense that it’s you?  
What do you mean?   
I looked it up and a merlin is a type of bird   
You looked me up?  
Not you   
Your name  
I'm so flattered  
You shouldn't be   
I was just curious how many cruel parents out there were actually under the impression that it’s a good name   
And is it common?   
Not at all   
Guess I’m one of a kind then  
You certainly are   
Whoa that sounded dangerously like a compliment  
Please. I wouldn’t want your head to get any bigger   
Or your ears for that matter   
Hey! If one of us has a big head here it’s you   
How?   
On your instagram selfie some girl named Vivian commented “Arthur you’re so hot”  
And you replied “I know”   
What's your point?   
You're not supposed to reply to compliments like that!  
Why not? I agreed with her   
You're supposed to affect modesty  
Or at least compliment her back  
Why would I do that? Vivian's already vain enough   
You must have a lot in common  
Plus if I compliment her it'll just encourage her  
And is that a bad thing?  
It is when I have feelings for someone else  
Oh right  
Your mystery man  
How's that going?   
Alright I think  
He's a bit difficult to read  
What about you?  
What about me?  
Is there anyone special in your life?  
Haha not really  
That's not a "no"  
I mean. I don't know   
Let's just say your mystery man isn't the only bloke who's hard to read  
That's unfortunate  
Why can't people just be upfront about what they want. Or not send mixed messages   
Right? It's so frustrating  
Believe me I know the feeling  
So did you do anything else today? Or did you just stare at birds?  
Just stared at birds, obviously  
Ah so I've discovered your secret passion  
To be fair I don't just stare at them  
Sometimes I feed them too  
Of course you do  
Hey someone’s gotta look after them   
Especially since the Arthur-bird’s stealing food from the rest   
Sounds like a total bastard  
Oh he is  
From now on I'm making it my mission to feed every bird in London except for him  
That's quite ambitious of you  
If you'd ever like to help please let me know  
I'd be honoured  


Will  
  
Hey you wanker  
What are you doing this Saturday   
Studying for my midterm   
No you’re not  
We're having a Doctor Who marathon and then I'm going to beat your pansy arse at video games  
Shit Will I really don't think I'll have time  
And more like I'd beat your sorry arse  
It's not healthy studying without breaks you know  
You have to take care of your mental well-being  
Declutter your mind by slaying dragons and shooting zombie brains   
You do make a good point  
Alright maybe for a little while  
but then I really do need to study  
Excellent  
I look forward to destroying you   
Better say goodbye to your loved ones while you have the chance  
Hah I could say the same to you  


Clotpole  
  
Hey so I was thinking. Morgana saw the Saxon and medieval collection at the Museum of London recently  
And I remember you're interested in that sort of thing  
So I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go see it together this Saturday  
If you're not too busy looking after all the birds in London, that is  
That sounds ace!  
But I actually just made plans with Will   
Oh. No worries. What about on Sunday?  
Ah I actually have a midterm I really need to study for   
It's always so busy this point in the term  
That's true. The Profs are sadists  
It definitely feels that way  
Would next weekend work?  
It's actually my mum's birthday next weekend  
but maybe we could do something another time?  
Yeah definitely  
Whatever works for you  
Great!  


Operation Get Merlin Shagged  
  
Just out of curiosity   
What does it mean if someone asks you to go to an art museum   
Gwaine  
Is this someone by any chance Arthur?   
It might be  
Gwen  
Aw congrats Merlin!  
Maybe you can get that kiss after all ;)   
How do I know if he means it as like a platonic outing   
Or if it’s meant more like a date   
Gwen  
It depends. How did he ask you?  
He said his sister was talking about it and asked if I’d want to see it with him   
Gwaine  
Hmm  
tbh an art museum doesn’t seem the most romantic place   
Gwen  
But at least you know he wants to spend more time with you   
Lance  
Maybe it's Arthur's attempt at being romantic  
Gwen and I didn't have the most conventional first date either  
Gwaine  
Wait what was your first date?  
Gwen  
We went to the Farmer's Market together  
Gwaine  
You're kidding  
Lance I always pegged you as an incurable romantic  
Why on earth would you pick the Farmer's Market over a candlelit dinner and some good old fashioned romancing?   
Lance  
I was out of spaghetti squash  
And I wanted to cook for Gwen  
Gwaine  
Ah that makes sense  
And to be fair this would be Merlin and Arthur's second date so I suppose it doesn't have to be too fancy  
Hey I like art museums   
Gwaine  
You would, wouldn't you  
And Arthur specifically mentioned seeing the Saxon and Medieval collection which I told him I've studied   
Gwen  
Aw maybe he suggested it because he knew you'd be interested  
That's what I was hoping   
I'm still not sure if he means it as a date though  
Gwaine  
I'd say worry less about labeling it a date and focus on making it clear to Arthur you see it as a date  
Er how exactly?  
Gwaine  
Flirt with him  
Initiates tons of physical contact  
Gaze into his eyes  
Right. I'll keep that in mind  
Lance  
When is your date?  
Oh um  
He asked me to go with him this weekend but I can't  
Gwen  
What? Why not?  
Studying  
and I already made plans with Will  
Gwaine  
Why don't you go the weekend after?  
It's my mum's birthday  
Speaking of which I still need to get her a gift...  
Gwen  
Be sure to tell Hunith Lance and I wish her a happy birthday  
I will!  
Gwaine  
Is your mum still single by any chance?   
Gwaine...  
Gwaine  
Just asking  
So then what's your plan with Arthur?   
I'm not sure. We'll probably go when things are less busy  
I hope so anyway  
Gwen  
Well keep us posted  
Definitely  
Also can we please change the groupchat name?   
People always give me funny looks when "Operation Get Merlin Shagged" flashes up on my phone  
Gwaine  
Not on your life  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of this chapter will overlap with chapter 3 of [It's All in the Sub(text)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224981/chapters/43751590#workskin). I'd recommend reading that first :)

Will  
  
**Saturday** 11:08 PM  
Thanks for today Will  
It was great getting to kick your arse at video games again  
Hah! Other way around   
And that’d be a lot more convincing if you hadn’t been checking your phone every five seconds  
You’d think some pornstar was hitting you up with how thirsty you looked  
Erm no   
I was just checking to see if Arthur had said anything yet  
We haven't texted at all the past few days  
Ah that makes sense  
What do you mean?   
Just that the way you talk about this Arthur bloke, you’d think the sun shines out of his arse  
What?!! I barely mentioned him  
But when you did you had that look on your face  
What look?  
That dopey star-eyed look like you just found out he has a twelve inch knob  
I wasn't making any look like that!! And I don't know what size his knob is!  
I have to say mate I haven’t seen you fall this hard for someone in years  
Maybe ever, actually   
Arthur’s a friend  
Right  
And I’m shagging her majesty the Queen of England  
Wtf  
She’s like ninety years old  
She’s very spry for her age  
Really didn’t need that imagery   
You don’t know what you’re missing mate  
Plus she lets me wear the crown   
Eugh  
Nice to know you never change   
For real tho, I hope it goes well with this Arthur fellow  
And if not you can count on me to slash the tires of his tesla   
I don't think that'll be necessary, but thanks for the offer  


Clotpole  
  
**Today** 1:02 PM  
Hey Merlin  
Arthur! Hey :)  
How have you been  
Haven't heard from you in a few days now  


Gwen  
  
so Arthur finally texted me again  
That's great!  
except I replied right away and sounded way overeager  
Ugh I’m actually cringing   
He probably thinks I'm desperate   
I'm sure he doesn't think that!  
Gwen I literally replied in under ten seconds   
Oh that... that is pretty fast  
But to be fair you are a fast typer  
ugggghhhh   


Clotpole  
  
Er yeah  
And I've been fine  
How was your weekend? With Bill  
*Will  
And it was nice! I'm sorry we couldn't go to the museum together though  
Oh no worries.   
Some other time maybe  
Definitely!  
Right. so I actually had a question   
I was thinking of putting myself out there in the world of gay dating   
But a gay bar seems a little too public  
So I was wondering if you have any advice about dating apps? And which ones to use?  
Dating apps?  
Yeah  


Gwen  
  
Haha so  
I guess it's fair to say Arthur doesn't fancy me  
What???  
Why do you say that  
He's signing up for a gay dating app  
Why would he do that?!  
Apparently he wants to enter "the world of gay dating"  
And clearly with someone who isn't me  
Was he being serious? Maybe he meant it as a joke  
It didn't really seem like a joke  
I'm sorry Merlin :(   
The worst part is he's asking me for advice on which app to use  
What do I say  
Well...  
I personally would never suggest this because it would be sort of not good...  
but I'm sure Gwaine's advice in this situation would probably be to take advantage of the situation and sabotage Arthur   
That is definitely the kind of diabolical scheme Gwaine would suggest...  
And while I don't always agree with his methods, he usually gets results  
Also very true  


Operation Get Merlin Shagged  
  
Gwaine  
Does anyone else ever get a weird feeling like someone's talking about you behind your back?   
Kind of like a fifth sense   
Lance  
No  
Why do you ask?   
Gwaine  
I can't explain it. I just had the strangest feeling that someone's badmouthing me...  
Lance  
Weird  
Also, I think you mean a 'sixth sense'.  


Clotpole  
  
I guess there's Christian Mingle if you want to go that route  
I was thinking something a little more general to start   
Right. There's always tinder and grindr I guess  
I've never actually used them though so they might be more for hookups  
That's fine  
Oh  
Then great  
I hope that goes well for you  
What photos should I use?  
How about the one where you have seven chins  
Haha. No. I deleted it off my Instagram so it’s gone forever  
Did I not mention that I took a screenshot of it?  
You better not have!  
First rule of the internet Arthur. Nothing you delete is ever truly gone  
Delete it this instant  
Sorry no can do  
Merlin  
I’m warning you. Delete it right now  
Why don’t you come over here and make me ;)  
Maybe I will  
I’d like to see you try  
You should careful what you wish for  
But fine. Keep the photo  
I’ll just take an even worse one of you to compensate  
And how are you going to do that?  
You’re forgetting I know where you live. I’ll come over and catch you by surprise  
In that case I won’t ever let you into my flat   
I’ll climb through the window  
I live on the fourth floor  
I’m prepared to climb  
Uh huh. Good luck  
Better stay prepared. I'll do it when you least expect it  
I'll keep that in mind  
Do you think this photo would be okay for my dating profile?  
  
[](https://66.media.tumblr.com/46794ff08fd31819bba12a4d7ee0390a/tumblr_inline_ppx43jDzrW1v66okh_500.jpg)

Gwen  
  
Holy shit  
Arthur’s just sent me the selfie he wants to use for his profile  
He's so hot  
I’ll never be over his eyes fuck   
Are you going to convince him not to use it?  
Because if it's really that good of a photo, he'll probably get a lot of interest  
Shit you’re right  
What should I say? If I lie and tell him the photo's bad he might come up with a better one  
Hmm   
I suppose what you could do is try to convince him to deliberately put a bad photo  
Wouldn't he see that as kind of counter-intuitive?   
Um, you could tell him that men who post silly photos of themselves get more matches?  
Because they're less intimidating   
And come across as having a good sense of humour?   
That might work actually   
I'll see if I can get him to post the seven chins/flared nostrils photo. That's about as unflattering as you can get.   


Clotpole  
  
Merlin?  
Um yeah  
It's... it's fine   
That’s not very reassuring  
It’s good  
Just good?   
What do you want me to say? It's very nice   
Were you not hassling me for using the word ‘nice’ not too long ago  
Fine. You look extremely sexy. Like, I want to rip your clothes off and climb you like a tree sexy   
Are you happy now?  
Well now I feel like you’re just saying that   
Hey, I can’t compliment you too much  
We've already established you have a giant head  
How rude  
But alright then. I guess I'll use that photo  
Hang on  
I just had a thought  
Hope you didn't strain yourself  
You don’t want to look good in all your photos  
And why is that?  
People get intimidated easily! Even attractive blokes. You need to at least post one pic of you looking stupid  
Otherwise you won't get any matches  
Trust me  
What photo should I use then?   
And don't you dare say the seven chins one   
Do you have any of you looking… not perfect?   
Are you saying I usually look perfect?  
No  
Shut up  
You know what I mean  
Not so sure that I do  
And I don’t really make a habit of saving bad photos of myself on my phone, but Leon or Perce might have some   
My ex girlfriends probably have loads as well but I’d rather not ask them   
Alright here’s one of me from when I had a little trouble getting undressed  
  
[](https://66.media.tumblr.com/4bdf39db17461eda4916a4ea33a1343a/tumblr_inline_ppxlswMJhe1v66okh_500.jpg)In my defence the shirt was ridiculously tight  
Ah, yes. Blame it on the shirt  
Are you implying that I'm fat?  
I would never do such a thing  
Also is there a reason your friends Leon and Perce had that photo of you saved?  
We were playing strip poker   
A great game to play with your completely platonic straight friends   
There was a whole group of us, actually. And there were girls there too, for your information  
Right. Of course.   


Gwen  
  
Oh god Gwen look at this   
  
[](https://66.media.tumblr.com/4bdf39db17461eda4916a4ea33a1343a/tumblr_inline_ppxlswMJhe1v66okh_500.jpg) I think  
I might just be the tiniest bit in love with him?   
This is even worse than the other photo of him! I can't stop smiling at it  
Oh Merlin  
I really feel like there's only one thing you can do now  
Please don't tell me I have to move on  
I wasn't going to say that  
I'm not telling him how I feel either! He's about to make a dating profile  
it's a little too late  
Even though I think you should tell him, I understand how scary it is.   
But what if you could prove that he likes you back?   
Yeah.. I'm sure texting him "btw are you interested in me romantically and or sexually" won't make me sound like a loser  
That's not what I'm getting at  
I think you should join the same dating app  
Find his profile, and match him  
No offence Gwen, but that's one of the worst ideas you've had  
No, it's brilliant. It doesn't notify him that you've liked him. He'll only know if he likes your profile too and you match  
I guess I could try...  
But won't it take forever to find him?  
Not if you narrow down your criteria  
How old is Arthur?  
I... don’t actually know  
Probably around the same age as me?  
Maybe a year or two older?  
Alright, that's a good starting point. And you can limit the range of potential matches to a nearby distance  
I hope this doesn't take too long  
I do have actual assignments to get done today  
What do you value more? The potential love of your life? Or a school assignment you'll forget about in a month   
Well when you put it like that...  


Clotpole  
  
**Today** 4:26 PM  
So how goes the world of gay internet dating?  
Have you had any matches yet?   
Just one bloke named George  
Oh. And how is that going?  
I’ve seriously never met anyone more boring  
He makes jokes about brass  
Brass, Merlin!  
Can you imagine?  
I’m sure the two of you will be very happy together  
Don’t even joke   
So what made you decide to match him? He must be quite fit  
Not really  
I actually liked his profile by accident  
Poor George :(  
no POOR ME  
I'm the one who has to endure his brass jokes  
Technically you don't *have* to  
You could unmatch him  
Believe me, I'd like to  
Then why don't you?  
Wait, let me guess  
the great Arthur Pendragon is too much of a polite and noble gentleman to unmatch someone on a dating app  
Good thing, too. You'd probably permanently destroy poor George's self esteem   
Shut up   


Gwen  
  
Holy shit   
I just found Arthur's profile   
Wow his bio literally is just "1.83 m"   
OMG  
Have you liked him yet?  
Not yet  
Shit I'm nervous  
What do you have to lose?  
Oh, only my dignity, pride, and faith in myself to find love  
Like I said, he'll only know you've liked his profile if he's liked yours as well  
Ok here goes  
Does it say you've matched?  
No. It doesn't say anything  
Oh. Well don't get discouraged! He might not have seen your profile yet  
Yeah maybe  
Um I think I'm going to go for a walk around the block  
Do you want me to come over? Maybe you, me, and Lance could watch a film together and get your mind off it?  
Nah that's okay  
Thanks though  


Clotpole  
  
**Today** 5:19 PM  
Hey so um  
I found your profile  
I thought you didn't use dating apps?  
Er so   
It says we matched  
  
**Today** 5:54 PM  
Sorry I was out  
And haha yeah looks like we did match   
Indeed we did  
So I have to ask, did you like my profile by accident?  
Or as a joke?  
Is that why you liked mine?  
Oh. Well you know  
Thought it was neat seeing someone I know on there  
Yeah same here  
I guess the UK has a smaller gay dating pool than I thought  
Haha yeah it would seem so  


Gwen  
  
Fuck we matched   
That's great!  
Isn’t it?  
See you would think so   
Except we just played it off like it was for laughs   
Why would u do that...  
I panicked!  
And what was I supposed to say?   
“I only joined this dating app to find you and see if we’d match because I’m totally gone on you”   
That would've been a start, yeah!  
Shit  
Why am i like this  
It's not too late to tell him  
I think I'm going to go for another walk...  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Morgana intervenes


	10. Chapter 10

Unknown Number  
  
**Today** 8:18 PM  
What are your intentions with Arthur Pendragon?  
Um who is this?   
Oh don’t tell me.   
Are you one of his crazy exes?   
Please. It is so like Arthur to call his exes crazy rather than admit he’s a thoughtless sod with the emotional range of a parsnip  
You’re saying Sophia wasn’t a nutter?  
Huh. I confess I'd forgotten about her. Alright, I’ll concede she was barmy  
But Sophia was the exception. The rest were more or less fine. A little arrogant and narcissistic, maybe, which is probably what brought them and Arthur together in the first place   
Right...   
Not that it isn’t fun chatting about Arthur’s exes with a complete stranger, but may I ask how you got my number?  
From Arthur’s phone   
Obviously   
And he leaves his phone lying around unlocked does he?  
Lying around? Yes. Unlocked? No.   
My brother’s not quite that stupid. But he does have Touch ID enabled and it wasn’t difficult lifting his fingerprints   
You lifted his finger prints?? Are you some sort of super villain   
Depends who you ask  
Wait a second. Brother? That means you’re Morgana, aren’t you?   
He’s mentioned me? I’m flattered.   
But let’s not prevaricate. What are your intentions with Arthur?   
Why do you care?   
He’s been hurt before and I’d like to prevent him from becoming even more socially stunted  
Arthur is a grown man and this is conversation is veering from sibling protectiveness into levels of creepiness   
Apologies but my brother is an idiot. His personal judgement can’t be trusted   
Do you intend on using him for money? Our family is quite well off   
What? No!   
Why would I want his money?  
I’ve perused your Instagram. The scarves you’re so fond of wearing look quite ratty  
Excuse you, my mum made them! And how have you seen my instagram? I’m on private  
Arthur’s following you of course. He spends an unhealthy amount of time looking at your photos, just so you're aware  
Good to know I guess?   
Do you interrogate all of Arthur's friends like this?  
Is that all you are? Just friends?  
Again, not really any of your business  
So you do fancy him  
What? I didn't say that  
You didn't deny it either  
There's nothing to deny  
If not money, why are you interested in my brother?   
Who said I'm interested?  
Let me rephrase. Why are you interested in being friends?  
He’s sweet for one  
Debatable  
It’s really not  
I mean, yeah, he can be a bit of a turnip head, but he's incredibly sweet  
And thoughtful  
Clearly your personal judgement is just as bad as his  
But I do have to know  
Did his plan to seduce you with his Instagram selfies work?  
His what?  
Well technically that’s not what he called it  
But when Arthur comes to me asking for selfie advice to improve his Instagram, he’s clearly trying to impress someone, and that someone is evidently you.   
How do you know?  
For starters, he was nearly dancing with joy when you liked his photo  
Really?  
Yes. In all fairness it was an excellent photo. All thanks to me of course   
Arthur wanted to use a ghastly filter but I made him see reason   
Wow. I guess I have you to thank then. Don’t tell him I said this but he looked really hot   
From an objective standpoint, I mean  
You don’t have to worry. I’d never willingly compliment him. If his head gets any bigger his body won’t be able to support it   
Now that we’ve established you are, at least somewhat, attracted to my brother, are you interested in dating him?   
Funnily enough, I don’t recall consenting to an interrogation  
You have backbone, Merlin. I approve   
No offense but I can't say I particularly care about your approval  
Are you aware Arthur has joined a dating app?  
Considering I've been giving him advice on it, yeah I am  
I know he asked for your advice on it, but are you aware he actually joined one?  
Yes...   
I mean I did match with him on it  
You matched?! Does this mean you're officially seeing each other?  
No..  
Arthur only liked my profile because he knows who I am. He was just taking the piss  
I assure you he was not  
Right  
I'm pretty sure if that were the case he would have told me he fancied me instead of joining a dating app  
No, you don't get it. He was only supposed to tell you he was joining one to gauge if it would make you jealous  
That's ridiculous  
Not one of my better plans, I'll admit  
Hold on, it was your idea for him to try online dating?  
Yes. Obviously.  
That's how you can trust me when I say my brother is arse-over-tit for you  
And my intuition tells me its mutual  
So I'll ask again. Do you fancy my brother?  
Um I mean, confessing my feelings for Arthur to you before telling him seems a bit backwards, doesn't it?  
Then make sure you tell him yourself  
I'm not sure that's something I want to tell him over text  
Hmm. Fair enough   
Has Arthur invited you to his birthday party yet?   
His what  
Ah. That’s a ‘no’ then. He’s probably worried you won't want to come.   
Why wouldn't I?  
Don’t ask me. Arthur’s the clueless one   
I’ll work on him, though. Text me if he doesn’t invite you by the end of the week and I’ll give his arse a kick.   
Um… okay.   
It was lovely getting to know you Merlin   
I feel obligated to say “likewise” but if I’m being honest I’m not really sure how I feel about you yet  
Most people express general feelings of awe or fear   
Yeah I reckon that about sums it up   
By the way Merlin, I'd appreciate it if you didn't let Arthur know about our chat   
He tends to get angry when people intervene in his social life  
I can't imagine why   


Operation Get Merlin Shagged  
  
The weirdest thing just happened to me   
Lance  
What?   
  
Arthur’s sister got my number from his phone and is giving me the talk   
Gwaine  
What talk? Like the birds and the bees talk?  
  
Noo the “if you hurt my brother I will end you” talk  
Gwen  
Omg   
Merlin do you know what this means?   
  
Arthur's sister is terrifying?  
Gwen  
Arthur likes you!  
And he's probably serious about it if his sister went to the trouble of messaging you   
  
I dunno. Maybe  
  
Morgana seems to think he does   
Lance  
Are you going to talk to Arthur about it?  
  
I'm er not really sure  
  
Morgana asked me not to mention her interference and I think I'd prefer telling Arthur my feelings in person  
  
Confessing you have feelings for someone isn't really something you do over text, right?  
Gwen  
In most cases, I'd tend to agree, but I feel like it'd be almost fitting if you told him over text  
Given that's how the two of you started talking in the first place  
  
I'll think about it  


Lance  
  
Merlin, I really don't mean to pry  
Or pressure you to do something you're not ready to do, but I think you should tell Arthur how you feel.  
I'm sure I will eventually... in person...  
Are you really set on telling him in person, or are you only using that as an excuse so you don't have to tell him now?   
If I'm being honest... I guess the second one  
I just don't know what to do! I've had bad luck with dating in the past but I've never met someone like Arthur before! We tease each other, and his sense of humour is perfect, and he's hot, and sweet and at this point I'm so invested in the idea of us dating that I'm worried about what I'll do if he doesn't want to  
And he told me back when he was seeing this girl Mithian that he only wanted a casual relationship, but I don't think I could really handle a casual relationship with him without getting even more attached  
I understand how you feel. I was nervous about asking Gwen out too  
Yeah but your situation is different! Everyone knows you and Gwen are perfect for each other!  
I didn't  
Not at first. I was so shy around her and my family was never well-off. I didn't have money to buy her nice things and I was worried I wouldn't be enough   
What? Seriously?  
but the two of you are practically soulmates! And Gwen's always been crazy about you  
I realize that now, but asking her out the first time felt like a big risk  
In either case, I can't promise you and Arthur will work out but from everything I've heard, the two of you complement each other really well  
"Two sides of the same coin" is how my mom described us when I told her about Arthur  
Hunith is a wise woman  
You should listen to her  
I just don't know what to say! We've only met in person one time. What if he thinks I'm weird for crushing on him already?   
And how do I tell him I have feelings for him?   
"Hey Arthur, I think you're really fit and I want to lick the abs that you probably have hidden under your shirt and maybe even take your gay virginity"   
That won't make things awkward at all!  
Well you don’t have to be quite that forward  
I'm sure a simple “I fancy you” would do   
But the longer you put it off, the harder it will be to tell him. I've learned that from experience  
Ugh  
You're probably right. As usual  
Thanks Lance  
Anytime, Merlin (:   


Clotpole  
  
**Today** 10:37 PM  
Hey Arthur. Please don't let Morgana know I'm telling you this, but I just got the third-degree from your sister  
She’s a little terrifying over text?   
I can’t imagine what she’s like in person   
Or how you’re not seriously scarred from growing up with her  
SHE WHAT  
What did she say?  
Oh, introduced herself. Made some small-talk, mostly  
Merlin  
Don't lie to me. Morgana abhors small-talk.   
What did she say to you?  
Um well she kind of invited me to your birthday   
I won't come though! Unless you'd actually want me there. I wouldn't want to impose  
I figure you don’t want me to come since you haven’t mentioned it  
No I do  
If you'd be interested, that is  
Really? Or are you just being polite?  
Merlin. When I have ever been polite to you  
Oh. Good point  
I would like it if you came  
And you can bring friends along if you want.   
Er are you sure it wouldn't be awkward seeing Gwen again? After she gave you the wrong #   
It may have bruised my pride a bit, but I'm definitely not upset with her. I got to meet you after all  
And the more the merrier  
If you really don’t mind I think Gwaine would like to meet you  
I confess I’m a little curious about him too  
Still can’t believe there’s actually someone out there who likes jazz brunch  
I thought you liked it  
Well yeah, but only after I’d gone with you  
I’d never have tried it otherwise  
Fair point  
Also um there's something else I need to talk to you about it. I keep putting it off but I need to say it  
What is it?  
Uhhhhh  
Merlin?  
Okay. Um. Here goes.   
So Morgana kind of implied that you only joined a dating app to try to make me jealous?  
Morgana needs to learn to keep her mouth shut  
Yeah. She, uh, wasn't wrong though  
About what?  
It did make me jealous  
And not just the thought of you with another bloke. The thought of you with anyone else   
Because I like you. A lot. Even though you're a dollophead and a clotpole I really like you. You're funny and sweet and I love the sound of your laugh and the colour of your eyes and how soft your lips look and the way you smile fondly at me after we tease each other  
I like talking to you. In person and over text. I feel comfortable around you and safe around you and I don't think I've ever felt this way before about someone  
So... yeah. That about sums it up  
No rush or anything but if you could reply soon that would be good  
I'm only freaking out a little here but take take your time  
Arthur?  
Can you just say something?  
Even if it's just to tell me you're disgusted with me or you don't want to talk to me anymore could you please respond?  
Shit! Sorry I was brushing my teeth  
You... you were what  
It's getting kind of late and you were taking so long to type  
I POURED MY HEART OUT TO YOU AND YOU WERE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH????  
...yes?  
Here I was hoping this would be romantic  
It is romantic  
How exactly?  
Because I feel the same way  
Wait what? You do?  
Yes. I do.  
But I'm afraid I didn't prepare a speech in advance so I suppose I'll have to wing it  
I don't know when exactly it was that I started liking you, but I was impressed when you stood up to me after I was an arse to you. When you sent me that selfie, I thought you were incredibly sexy, and the photo of you smiling was even worse! Something about you made it so easy to open up to right from the start. I told you stuff about myself I haven't told anyone, not even Leon or Percy or Morgan  
And don't get me started about when I picked you up for jazz brunch. You were even more gorgeous in person and your *voice.* I thought I was going to get a hard-on in the middle of a brunch surrounded by old people. Can you imagine how mortifying that would've been? All the old folks would've thought me a terrible pervert and it would've been all your fault!  
You like my voice? I don't think I've ever heard anyone comment on it before  
God Merlin, it's so sexy. Everything about you is  
Even my gigantic ears?  
Especially your gigantic, cute, endearing ears  
What happens now? Would you want to go out on a date? Or keep it more casual?  
What do you want?  
I'm fine with anything. Casual is fine if that's what you want  
It's not  
Not with you  
Oh, thank god. I was lying. I don't want a casual relationship with you either   
That's good then. I'm glad we're on the same page  
I can't believe it took us this long   
It wouldn't have if you hadn't turned me down when I asked you out  
What are you talking about? You never asked me out  
Yes I did. I asked you to the museum and you made up a bunch of excuses  
You never said that was a date!!! And I didn't make up any excuses! I really did have a midterm to study for and plans with Will and my mum's birthday. She lives in Wales so I spent the whole weekend there  
Oh. I didn't realize  
I guess we've both been kind of stupid  
I blame you  
ME?  
I’m never normally stupid  
So clearly this is a result of your excessive stupidity infecting me  
Sure, that’s definitely it   
What happens now? Do you want to go out on a date?   
I would love to  
But I actually have more midterms to study for  
Tell me you're joking   
I really wish I was  
Will you be free in a few weeks? That's around when we'll be celebrating my birthday  
I'll definitely be there  
Alright. Well. I guess I'll see you then  
Have sweet dreams (of me)  
They won't be very sweet then  
I take back every nice thing I said about your ears  
I was just kidding, no need to go that far  
Have a goodnight Arthur <3  
You too, Merlin   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about time amirite


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 4 of It's All in the Sub(text)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224981/chapters/45396937) is posted as well!

Lance  
  
Hey Lance   
Just wanted to say thanks   
I told Arthur how I felt and it turns out he feels the same way  
That's great Merlin!  
I'm happy for you  
:)  
Also, Gwen is reading this over my shoulder just so you know   
She's squealing very loudly  
OHMYGOSH MERLIN THIS IS WONDERFUL IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!   
YOU NEED TO TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID NEXT TIME I SEE U. AND WHAT HE SAID BACK   
That was Gwen. She stole my phone  
I figured that's what happened  
Thanks Gwen. I'm quite happy for me too  


Operation Get Merlin Shagged  
  
Hey so now that Arthur and I are a couple  
He's invited me to his birthday and you're all welcome to join me   
Gwaine  
It's about time!  
Gwen  
Do you want us there with you? Or would we distract from your alone time with him?   
I’m not sure there will be much alone time since all of his friends are going to be there too  
And his sister, I’m assuming. I’m not sure I feel brave enough facing Morgana on my own   
She said she likes me but she seems pretty intimidating   
Gwen  
Well of course we'll support you Merlin! I just hope it isn't awkward since I did give Arthur the wrong number. You don't think he's holding a grudge over that, is he?   
Gwaine  
Oh, who cares about that. Life is too short for grudges  
The real question is will there be free booze?   
I'm sure it won't be awkward. In fact Arthur and I already spoke about it. His words were basically he's not upset with you because he got to meet me because of you  
Gwen  
Aw Merlin that's so sweet! I do still feel kind of bad, but I suppose this will be the perfect opportunity to apologize?  
Gwaine  
Yes, yes but back to the more important topic? Booze? Yay or nay?  
I'm sure there will be alcohol provided. And if not I promise I'll go with you for drinks again soon  
Gwaine  
Yes! Knew I could count on you  
But I'm not under any circumstances getting drunk again   
The last thing I need is to completely embarrass myself drunk-texting Arthur now that we're together   
In fact, maybe I'll just stick with drinking water   
Gwen  
I'm sure Arthur wouldn't mind getting drunk texts from you. If it were me I'd find it cute   
I don't want to be cute! I want him to think I'm sexy   
Gwen  
I'm sure he already does   
Gwaine  
Alright, I promise to cut you off next time if I think you're getting sloshed. How's that?  
In that case, I tentatively accept  
Gwen  
When is Arthur's birthday party?   
Two weeks from now  
Saturday night  
Gwen  
I'll put in my event planner!   
Lance  
Gwen, isn't that the weekend your brother is visiting?   
Gwen  
Oh shoot! Your right. I forgot he's visiting   
How is Elyan doing?  
Gwen  
He's been doing well! He really likes his study abroad program   
He's been trying to talk me into studying abroad as well, but I like it too much here   
Gwaine  
Nothing like jolly old England's rainy weather, is there  
Gwen  
Well there's that. And the people here are pretty special too   
Lance  
:)   
Gwaine  
Ugh I'm getting a cavity. Merlin, I hope you and Arthur won't flirt like that  
Nah. Our brand of flirting is more playful insults   
Gwaine  
Good that's much more palatable  
So Gwen, do you think you'll still be able to make it? You could bring Elyan along too  
Gwen  
I'm sure Ely wouldn't mind. And if he does, I still have a favour to cash in   
Lance  
What favour is that?   
Gwen  
Remember when I helped him with his project for his welding class? I got him an A and his professor went on about how he was a blacksmith in the making. He still owes me for that.   
Gwaine  
Ah, nothing hotter than a woman who knows her way around a power tool  
Lance  
Gwaine, please don't hit on my girlfriend   
Gwaine  
Sorry. My bad  
It's practically a reflex at this point  
I don't want Elyan to feel forced into coming, though! It's fine if he doesn't want to come. I just think it'd help having people I know with me. Meeting Arthur's friends feels like a big step  
Even though I guess it shouldn't. It's not like he'll be introducing me as his boyfriend  
Gwen  
He won't? Why not?  
I mean, I doubt it? I don't think he's come out to them yet?   
Gwaine  
Wow really? I wonder why not?   
I think he's worried   
About being judged   
Gwaine  
Are his friends homophobes or something?  
Um. Probably not. Doesn't mean it's not still nerve-wracking coming out  
Gwaine  
Fair point. Well, when he does feel ready to come out to his mates, let Arthur know ol Gwaine here has his back.   
Er sure. I'll let him know  
I'm sure he'll appreciate it   
Gwaine  
I'm always here to help and support ;)   
Yeah you are.   
All three of you have been really supportive. I don't think I would've been brave enough to confess how I feel to Arthur without all of your support   
It still feels kind of surreal  
Lance  
I'm glad we could help   
Gwen  
  
Gwaine  
Anytime Merls  
Gwen  
Oh, also should we bring a gift for Arthur?  
Ah. Um. I hadn't really thought of that?   
I don't think he's expecting one from the three of you   
But I definitely have to get him something   
Lance  
What are you going to get him?   
That's... a great question   
Anyone have any suggestions?   
Gwaine  
Jazz brunch tickets!  
Besides that   
Gwaine  
A bottle of wine, maybe?   
Or vodka  
No alcohol  
Or whiskey  
Oh  
Gwen  
What is Arthur interested in?  
He likes action movies   
And scones and custard tarts   
And football and rugby   
Oh and he wants to be a poverty lawyer but his father's pressuring him to go into business so he's studying finance   
Gwen  
Hmm well I'm not sure you can do much about that last part, but you could take him out to see an action movie? Or buy him a new football and bake him custard tarts and scones.   
Yeah. That's not a bad idea  
Then again, I feel like going to the cinema is a typical date. And I don't know if he needs a new football? I could make him homemade scones, but that's not specialy enough for a birthday present either   
Gwaine  
Why don't you ask Arthur what he wants?   
I feel like it should be a surprise  
Gwaine  
In that case, I suppose it's a lucky thing you have his sister's number, isn't it   
She probably knows him better than anyone   
I was kind of hoping to avoid texting her, but that is a good point  


Morgana  
  
Hi Morgana   
Merlin! To what do I owe the pleasure?   
So, as you know Arthur's birthday is coming up   
Indeed it is  
And I was wondering if you had any ideas for what I should get him?  
Funny. Uther just asked me the same thing  
Uther?   
Arthur's father   
Oh   
What did you tell him? Just so I make sure I don't buy Arthur the same gift  
He's buying Arthur two tickets to Italy for the summer   
Ah. A little out of my budget  
The tickets are for him and his girlfriend to enjoy  
His... girlfriend?  
You, of course  
Sorry if this wasn't already clear but I'm not a woman  
Yes, I know that  
But when I heavily implied Arthur was seeing someone he's quite serious about, Uther naturally made his own conclusions  
And you didn't correct him?  
Why would I? That's Arthur job, not mine  
Fair enough. I can't picture Arthur being too pleased if his father found out from you   
I'm not sure what impression my brother's given you, but Arthur's not open and out about his bisexuality  
He's always been desperate to please Uther—and others for that matter—even if it means suppressing certain aspects of himself  
Uther favours Arthur, but he's also always held both of us at a distance. Growing up Arthur referred to him only as "father." Never "dad" or "papa" or anything less formal. Their relationship is a rather reserved one  
So while I can't imagine dating a closet case is ideal for you, the fact that he came out to you is surprising in and of itself  
I don't care if Arthur's not out yet  
He said I'm the first bloke he's dated and he deserves time to get himself sorted. I'm not going to pressure him to come out when he's not ready  
I'm glad to hear you say that.  
From what I've heard I think you're really good for him   
I'd be better if I knew what to get him for his birthday  
I was thinking maybe a new football?   
Leon and Percival have likely already thought of that  
Damn.   
What are you getting him?   
Condoms and lube. Since he has you I suppose he won't have much need of a dildo  
um   
I'm kidding.  
I wouldn't actually give him condoms and lube  
Oh ok   
Considering it's what I gave him last year  
As fun as discussing condoms with my boyfriend's sister is, do you have any other suggestions?   
"Boyfriend" huh?   
Yes. We're together now  
Oh, I know that.   
Arthur wasn't sure what terminology to use. He had a mini crisis earlier  
Is he okay?  
Yes, yes he's back to his regular obnoxious self   
As for his birthday gift, the best suggestion I could offer is to get him something personal. Something that reminds him of you   
Yeah, that's what Gwen suggested  
A friend of yours, I presume   
Oh, yeah sorry  
She's the one who gave Arthur my number in the first place. She felt bad turning him down and decided giving him my # was somehow better  
Hah! I like this Gwen   
I hope you'll bring her round to Arthur's birthday  
Um yeah probably. He did say I should bring friends  
Good. Even if he hadn't I would insist   
Anyone who turns my brother down is good in my books   
Really?   
So you would've been pleased if I'd turned your brother down?   
Of course not! He doesn't have just a minor, inconsequential crush on you. If you turned him down I'd naturally have to avenge his broken heart   
Right. Naturally.   
Whatever you decide for his birthday, I'm sure he'll love it.   
You could give him a stick-figure drawing and I'm sure he'd hang it up on his wall  
That's brilliant   
A stick-figure drawing? Really   
I confess I was being facetious, but if it's what you want to give him...   
Not a drawing, but a picture to hang on his wall.   
A picture of what?  
I'll let you know once I've got it. Thanks Morgana!  
You're welcome?   


Clotpole  
  
**Today** 9:17 PM  
I got you something today   
For your birthday   
I wish I could give it to you now but I guess it'd be better if I kept it a surprise  
Way to leave me in suspense Merlin  
It's only two weeks away  
Exactly. Two whole weeks of waiting   
Patience is a virtue   
I think I'm already virtuous enough   
Hmm I don't know about that   
You did steal those scones at jazz brunch  
And there was that time you sent me a shirtless picture of yourself  
By accident!  
Still counts  
You're right. I'm a total harlot  
But I can start leading a chaste life now, if you'd like  
Oh... no.... you don't have to go that far  
Really, I don't mind   
I can't allow the great Merlin Emrys to have a non-virtuous boyfriend. I think it's time for an oath of chastity   
You know, I'm really starting to think you don't deserve a present at all  
You're probably right, but since you've already bought it, no need to let it go to waste   
Well, technically I didn't buy it  
Not all of it anyway  
Now I'm intrigued  
Good! Then you have something to look forward to  
How about I guess what it is and you have to tell me if I'm right?   
Is it a homemade scarf?  
Hey, I didn't agree to tell you anything!  
A nude bust of me?   
Nope. And even if it was, I wouldn't tell you  
That's no fair  
I'll figure it out eventually  
Somehow I really don't think you will :)   
Merlin?  
Yeah?   
There's something I want to talk to you about.   
That doesn't sound ominous at all  
Morgana opened her mouth again and informed my father that I'm seeing someone.  
He, uh, wants to meet you  
Wow. Didn't think we'd be doing the meet the parents thing so soon. Before a proper date even   
He's not even in England at the moment so it would be a long ways off. I was just wondering if you'd be open to having dinner with him.   
I'd be there too of course  
Well, yeah. Definitely. I mean, he's your father, I hope I'd meet him sometime.   
I'd like you to meet my mum sometime too. She's already asked about you.   
Your mum knows?  
Yeah   
Don't tell me. Morgana blabbed to her too?  
Hah, surprisingly that's one phone number your sister hasn't gotten hold of yet.   
I told mum last night. We had a long phone call about it. She's really excited about you   
I hope I don't let her down  
Please. She hasn't even met you yet and she already adores you! Just be your usual prattish self and I'm sure you'll charm her.   
There's something else.  
My father knows I'm seeing someone, but he thinks it's a girl.  
I see   
Well, he'll be in for a bit of a fun surprise, won't he?  
Leon and Percival know I'm seeing someone too. When I told them they automatically assumed it's a woman too.  
Did you correct them?   
I wanted to but I just. Froze. I'm sorry   
Don't you dare apologize to me! I get it. And I don't want you to feel pressured to do anything you're not ready for.   
It's just. I've never been against homosexuality. Or bisexuality or anything like that. It's easy to support other people who are, but the fact that it's me just makes it... hard. I don't want them to be disappointed or change how they view me. I mean, Leon and Perce and I change shirts around each other all the time. What if they no longer feel comfortable being shirtless around me? Not that I would blame them  
If they do get uncomfortable, they're being idiots. Anyone, even a straight bloke, should feel flattered to be checked out by someone as attractive as you.   
In that case, the only one who should feel flattered is you.   
Is that your way of saying you think I'm attractive? And that you check me out a lot?  
You already know I do.   
Yeah, but it's nice being reminded  
In that case, I'll be happy to remind you every day about how right fit you are  
I appreciate it  
Though I wish I could hear it in person  
Well, if someone wasn't such a nerd, we'd have time to go out sooner  
Only a couple more weeks until your party, and after that my schedule clears up for a bit  
S'pose I'll bide my time until then  
Good night Arthur.   
Good night love  
Love?  
Thought I'd try it out  
I like it  
But don't think it'll make me stop calling you a clotpole  
Trust me, I wouldn't dream of it  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated


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